Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 11

1. Yes, I know the plan is both crazy and brilliant. Crazy-brilliant. A pity that more people don’t ask me, “Honey, how is some barbed wire, a rake, and a pet turtle gonna help us make a proper getaway?” instead of making cuckoo signs behind my back.

2. C1: Oh, C2, C2, I’ve missed you so much…

C2: I was only gone for a few hours! Are you okay?

C1: You have no idea! *Hugs C2*

C2: Okay, yeah, I’m calling the doctor.

3. *Shows photo* Have you seen this thief? He has stolen my heart and I need it back ASAP.

4. Okay, now you can faint.

5. Russians…rebelling against authority since 1917.

6. Well, coming from a trigger-happy maniac like you, I guess it’d make sense that you’d name your gun Peek-A-Boom. 

7. You’d better leave now for your safety…my sadistic tendencies are creeping up on me again.

8. For the last time, no! I didn’t steal your cat and eat it! I don’t care if I’m from [name of country]. You’re making me look bad!

9. C1: You’re insane!

C2: Honestly, are you that dense? I thought you knew that already.

*****

Side note of the day: I’m seeing quite sharp rise in subscribers. Whooo! Keep up the count, people! I’m stoked! Good night!

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Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 10

1) Congratulations, you just won the Poolitzer Prize for crappiest journalism ever.

2) C1: Guys, it’s confirmed! C2 is in love!

C3: And why do you think so?

C1: She’s doing sappy-talk in Italian again — you know, the language of love and all?

3) C1: Why didn’t you just kill me when you had the chance?

C2: Because I don’t just kill people, you know. Plus, I love you.

4) At first sight, I thought my captor’s face looked like that of an angel’s. Even when she waved that shotgun at my face, she was still an angel to me — an angel with a shotgun, that is. Oh, wait…that’s my Stockholm syndrome kicking in again.

5) *Facepalm* Mental note to self: never recruit another hormonal teenager for this job.

6) C1: Wow! Shut! Up!

C2: Shut up.

C1: I know, right?

C2: No. “Shut up,” as in, “shut up” shut up.

7) He’s the type of person who would bite off a lipstick chunk just because it smells yummy.

8) C1: I wish I lived in your shoes, so I could be with you every. Step. Of. The way.

C2: I wish I was Clorox bleach so I could drink myself for your cringy pick-up line I get told.

9) C1: Did you just assume my relationship status?

C2: Why, yes, you special snowflake.

 

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 9

1. This is why I hate secret agents. First you think they’re on your side but nooo, they’re actually on the other team. Then they make this huge scene of repenting and coming back to the good side, and even then they still have questionable motives. Hence the term, “Double-double agents.”

2. Death: the solution to all the world’s problems. That or Nutella. Choose one.

3. C1: Why do you curse at people in [foreign language]?

C2: Because it’s cooler to condemn people in [foreign language].

4. …Because I’m freaking Batman, baby! [jumps off building]

5. C1: You-you just saved my life.

C2: Duh! I don’t just let people die off like that! It would hurt the economy!

6. I’ll hold, you punch.

7. He does his talking with an axe. Go figure.

8. If what he says really is true, then my name is Princess Anastasia!

9. Right to bear arms? Ridiculous. Did you know that in my country, we have rights to entire bear?

 

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 8

  1. Oh, dear. You look unusually cheerful today. What happened, where did it happen, and whose sorry butt should I apologize for this time?

2. Goodbye. I will miss the days when we tried to kill each other.

3. Within time you’ll be so famous that we’ll even get reports on what time of the day you normally take a dump.

4. C1: Did you know? A wet towel works as well as an actual whip.

C2: That’s why next time, don’t waste your money on a makeshift rope on Amazon for twenty bucks.

5. Ooh, snarky. I have a feeling we’re gonna get along great together.

6. ‘Man up or shut up’ is my motto.

7. C1: Wanna know how to test someone’s innocence? Order them to kick a puppy.

C2: You sadist! How dare-! Oh…

C1: Exactly.

8. C1: He’s ugly.

C2: Hey, you apologize right now!

C1: I’m sorry he’s ugly!

9. I’m used to the unexpected. I became friends with one of the most wanted terrorists on Facebook, nearly got decapitated by cucumber, and was an involuntary participant in the Beer Can Appreciation Day festival. But I never expected you, YOU of all people, to fall in love with me.

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 7

  1. I tried making him fall in love with me. The plan backfired.

2. C1: C’mere, I wanna show you something interesting.

C2: Oh, dear, not another viral YouTube rap battle?

3. C1: Y-you’re alive!

C2: *Slaps C1* Of course I’m alive, stupid! I’m only back cuz I can’t afford dying, the mess you dumbos would stir up in my absence. My girlfriend would commit suicide. Mom would get sick. My little brother would steal my room. And you? You’ll only cry, blubber about my awesomeness, erect a gold statue of me and I dunno, maybe even name the next cure after me, which would be frankly embarrassing. What, you’re blubbering now?! You know what, never mind…c’mere and gimme a hug, you hopeless crybaby.

4. C1: Hang on to your butts, folks; we’re about to engage in mortal combat. But leave [Villain] to me…I will fight him myself. It will be long. Painful. And dramatic.

C2: Uh-huh, so would you like a soundtrack to go with that?

5. ‘Mortal combat’? I hope you guys have insurance for pay for all the damage, the hell you guys will create.

6. Oh, you think you’re embarrassing? I once caught myself humming a Barney song at my great-aunt’s funeral.

7. Man…ugh…I sure didn’t see the blaring “This is nothing like Halo!” warning sign on the hero contract when I signed up for this.

8. C1: Thanks. You know, for the hug.

C2: I did it so you could shut up. (Bonus points if C1 has a crush on C2, and double bonus points if C2 also likes C1 back but is trying to hide it)

9. I know you wanna snap my neck for asking you — like the way you snapped that toothpick — but please?

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 6

*Looks at calendar. Blanches.* Is Nanowrimo really over? Well, I’ve got more interesting dialogues up my sleeve, so here you go:

*****

1. C1: So I asked an Asian guy if he knows what a chink is. Unfortunately, he also knew kung fu…

C2: And that, my friend, is why racists are a danger to themselves and society.

2. We were supposed to be a team! You know, let wounds heal, scars fade, forget it all ever happened! But hooo no, you just had to play the “My-father-killed-your-father” card all over again.

3. She’s so brilliant that ever her cussing sounds smart.

4. I’m anything but realistic.

5. So…I guess that’s what an internet troller looks like. You disappoint me.

6. C1: You-you lied!

C2: I make a pretty convincing liar, don’t you think?

7. Gun and bazookas and toothpaste, sure, you never forget to pack those for dire situations, but why do you always forget to pack the food? Haven’t you heard of starvation?

8. C1: Hey, are you two, like, a thing?

C2: Chew on this, mister: I stalked him, threatened him, shot him, kidnapped him, fought him, threatened him again, and psychologically tortured him all in the course of three months. So how can we possibly be a couple?!

9. C1: …Girls do crazy things when you’re in love. Your point?

10. C1: C4 is totally mine!

C2: No, he’s mine!

C3: *Puts blade at C4’s throat* Nope. You want him? Better get through me first.

 

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Part 4

If I’m not busy doing homework, then I’m probably busy writing a novel for NaNoWriMo. Expect me to come into the sunlight after the end of this month. Meanwhile, here are some more lines and dialogues for all you aspiring writers out there!

*****

1) C3: *Walks in onto C1 and C2, who argue all the time* You guys just love to argue with each other a lot! Why don’t you two marry already?

2)  C1: That’s it, we’re ruined! Screwed! Done for!
     C2: I blame the hippies.
     C1: *Glares* Why do you always blame hippies for society’s problems?
3) C1: Now would be good time to stick my head into the sand, like an ostrich.
     C2: Correction: Ostriches don’t stick their heads into sand. That’s a myth. Only dummies do that.
     C3: Then I’ll do it like a dummy.
4) C1: Ack! Don’t look at me, I’m naked! Oh wait *facepalm*, I forgot, I’m invisible. That’s the whole point.
5) C1: What was his answer?
    C2: Something R-rated.
6) *C1 reveals a taser.*
     C2: Hey, that looks similar to a Doctor Who one!
     C1: *Zaps C2 with taser* Yea, and works like it, too!
7) “You should join the KKK: krazy, kookoo and kracked, like you.”
8) “Is there a superpower called Superidiocy? Because it totally fits you.”
9) C1: Shoot him!
      C2: Cut off his head!
      C3: I say shoot him, then cut off his head. Then shoot his head for good measure.
10) C1: I like you.
      C2: *Slaps C1 in the face*
     C1: Ow! What was that for?!
     C2: Oh, I dunno…I read somewhere that that’s girls’ favorite pastime. Deal with it! 😉

Adopt some novel dialogue part 3

1) C1: Evil forces are coming into this world…
    C2: *Gasp* You mean…a zombie apocalypse?
    C1: Duh, no, don’t be silly, zombies don’t exist!
    C2: Well, stop being so dramatically ambiguous! For all I know, the government will ban cupcakes and make us hop on one foot with crossed eyes while while singing “I’m a Little Teapot” forwards and backwards. *Shudders* Whoever bans cupcakes is pure evil.
2) First shape-shifter: I’m an elephant! *Turns into elephant*
    Second shape-shifter: I’m a mouse! Everyone knows elephants are afraid of mice! *Turns into mouse*
    First shape-shifter: Oh, silly, don’t you know that’s a myth?
    Second shape-shifter: Oh. Ok. Well what about THIS? *Turns into Adolf Hitler*
    First shape-shifter: *Freaks out in elephant form*
     Second shape-shifter: Ha! even elephants are afraid of Hitler. Boy, that’ll kick some butt.
3) C1: Let ‘er rip! *Shoots but force of the blast propels C1 backwards*
    C2: “Let ‘er rip”? Seriously?
    C1: Hey, it’s my first battle!
4) Old granny with a gun: *Kicks store door open with foot and points gun; has a crazed look on face* Heeeere’s Johnny!
5) C1: *leans forwards to resuscitate nearly-drowned and unconscious C2*
    C2: *Surfaces to consciousness with a jerk and spits water into C1’s face* STOP!!! DON’T KISS ME!!
    C1: There’s a difference between a “kiss” kiss and a kiss of life, you know.
6) C1: *Pestering C2 who gives C1 the Silent Treatment* Come on, C2! Say something, do something, anything! I want an answer from you!
    C2: *Sucker-punches C1* Was that what you wanted?
7) *Whenever anything at all goes wrong* “Thanks, (Person who is constantly blamed for everything)”
8) A perpetually angry C1: All right, I’ve had it, I’ve had it! That’s it! That’s the last time this bumbling, blithering old crone gets her way. Next time, I’ll-” *Trips and falls, not for the last time in the story*
     C2: Yo, dude, you might wanna work on your anger issues? It’ll be healthier for you
9) C1: Sadly, my friends, as of this moment, I will have to depart. Au Revoir, au Revoir, parting is such sweet sorrow… *Turns to part…and lands in a hole. Gets up* THAT WASNT IN THE SCRIPT!

Adopt some dialogue for your novel, pt. 2

I’d update more, but all of a sudden I got bored. And busy. Lol.

***

1. I WASN’T THAT DRUNK.

2. Girl: *sees a guy* Ooh! He’s so cute! Can I keep him

3. C1: Look, sir, I’m on the run from a bipolar sociopathic sadist with allies up his allies, and if I haven’t dropped dead before he’s chasing me down, we’re doomed!

C2: Look, hon, I’m a Social Security clerk, not a psychotherapist. And I’m certainly not a psychiatrist either, which you need to check out. You know, for your melon.

C1: This is serious! In another minute I-

C2: -could die, yes, I know; that’s what social security is for. Your number, please?

4. On a scale of 0 to 200, you are simply the lowest common denominator of intellect.

5. C1: Oh, come on, I don’t see what’s so wrong abut C3. She’s spunky, cheerful, sweet, loves puppies, and-

C2: She was an unhealthy obsession with guns. Watch…

C3: *Polishing a Dragunov sniper rifle while grinning* Soon…soon…

6. The bad guys’ plans are simple: kill off our race, preserve living space for [enemies’ preferred race], and kill anyone else who disagrees. Basically make a reign of terror.

C2: Hey! Sounds just like Hitler!

C3: So much for the ‘history repeats itself’ part.

7. C1: Duuude, how can you possible even think of me having a thing for C3?! It’s not like I care abut his puppy-dog clumsiness, his witty one-liners… *sniff*… the way he brushes his air out of his face… *sniff sniff* the way he flashes his cute lopsided smile at me every time I save him from accidentally mutilating himself with those stupid bread knives… *Bursts into hysterical tears*

*

More coming soon!

 

Adopt some Dialogue!

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Hi-yo! Since NaNoWriMo(National Novel Writing Month) is approaching, I am taking a little break from poems for now. I signed onto the WriMo challenge of writing a total of 50,000 words in November — yes, an entire month! So I may be out a while, but I till then, I am happy to post bits of interesting/funny/witty lines and dialogues, which I have collected over the last few years. Lots I made up all by myself, some are partly composed, and a few others aren’t original but are too good to pass up. Who knows? Maybe in the future I’ll even post summaries and tidbits from the novels I’m writing.

I wrote these to post in the Adopt a Dialogue forum in the Adoption Society page, which you can find here. To all NanoWriters of this coming month…I wish you utmost success at reaching your goal!

1) C1: You’ve gotta be kidding me!

C2: Me? Kidding you? Stand-up comedy isn’t my only profession, hon.

2) C1: Ready for this?

C2: Absolutely NOT!

C1: Well spoken. *pushes off ledge* Now tell that to the ground!

3) C1: You quit your sassing right now, son, or I’ll smack ya all the way to New York!

C2: We are in New York, duh. *C1 smacks him.*

4) C1: I think I finally got my temper under control! Come on, try me.

C2: Aw, is that C1? She’s so cute!

C3: *Blows fuse*

5) “NO, SHUDDUP, ROMANTIC MUSIC! I AM NOT GONNA LET YOU DEFINE MY LOVE LIFE OR MY FUTURE HUSBAND!” (Bonus points if the speaker accidentally falls into guy’s arms right before romantic music blares on)

6) C1: Hi! I’m C1, and I am a new recruit!

C2: I’m C2, and I eat wannabes like you.

C1: Excuse me? I have a Neutrino 3000.

C2: Neutrino 5000 here.

C1: My brother is a black belt, and he can lam you.

C2: Well, my brother is a sumo wrestler.

C1: My great-uncle has a Katyusha!

C2: Yea?! I have an espionage team at my disposal, a variety of machine guns, and a girlfriend! Take that, pea brain.

C1: MY HEAD IS BIGGER THAN YOURS!

C3: Ugh! So immature! And I thought you guys worked with peace treaty relations!

7) “I WASN’T THAT DRUNK.”

8) “Ooh! He’s cute! Can I keep him?”

9) C1: Look, sir, I’m on the run from a bipolar sociopathic sadist, and if I haven’t dropped dead before he’s done hunting me down, humanity is doomed!
C2: Look, hon, I’m an insurance agent, not a psychotherapist. And I’m certainly not a psychiatrist either, which you definitely need to check out. You know, for your melon.
C1: This is serious! Why, in another minute I-
C2: -could die, yes, I know; that’s what life insurance is for. Your number, please?