1) Congratulations, you just won the Poolitzer Prize for crappiest journalism ever.
2) C1: Guys, it’s confirmed! C2 is in love!
C3: And why do you think so?
C1: She’s doing sappy-talk in Italian again — you know, the language of love and all?
3) C1: Why didn’t you just kill me when you had the chance?
C2: Because I don’t just kill people, you know. Plus, I love you.
4) At first sight, I thought my captor’s face looked like that of an angel’s. Even when she waved that shotgun at my face, she was still an angel to me — an angel with a shotgun, that is. Oh, wait…that’s my Stockholm syndrome kicking in again.
5) *Facepalm* Mental note to self: never recruit another hormonal teenager for this job.
6) C1: Wow! Shut! Up!
C2: Shut up.
C1: I know, right?
C2: No. “Shut up,” as in, “shut up” shut up.
7) He’s the type of person who would bite off a lipstick chunk just because it smells yummy.
8) C1: I wish I lived in your shoes, so I could be with you every. Step. Of. The way.
C2: I wish I was Clorox bleach so I could drink myself for your cringy pick-up line I get told.
9) C1: Did you just assume my relationship status?
C2: Why, yes, you special snowflake.