Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 7

  1. I tried making him fall in love with me. The plan backfired.

2. C1: C’mere, I wanna show you something interesting.

C2: Oh, dear, not another viral YouTube rap battle?

3. C1: Y-you’re alive!

C2: *Slaps C1* Of course I’m alive, stupid! I’m only back cuz I can’t afford dying, the mess you dumbos would stir up in my absence. My girlfriend would commit suicide. Mom would get sick. My little brother would steal my room. And you? You’ll only cry, blubber about my awesomeness, erect a gold statue of me and I dunno, maybe even name the next cure after me, which would be frankly embarrassing. What, you’re blubbering now?! You know what, never mind…c’mere and gimme a hug, you hopeless crybaby.

4. C1: Hang on to your butts, folks; we’re about to engage in mortal combat. But leave [Villain] to me…I will fight him myself. It will be long. Painful. And dramatic.

C2: Uh-huh, so would you like a soundtrack to go with that?

5. ‘Mortal combat’? I hope you guys have insurance for pay for all the damage, the hell you guys will create.

6. Oh, you think you’re embarrassing? I once caught myself humming a Barney song at my great-aunt’s funeral.

7. Man…ugh…I sure didn’t see the blaring “This is nothing like Halo!” warning sign on the hero contract when I signed up for this.

8. C1: Thanks. You know, for the hug.

C2: I did it so you could shut up. (Bonus points if C1 has a crush on C2, and double bonus points if C2 also likes C1 back but is trying to hide it)

9. I know you wanna snap my neck for asking you — like the way you snapped that toothpick — but please?

 

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