Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 8

  1. Oh, dear. You look unusually cheerful today. What happened, where did it happen, and whose sorry butt should I apologize for this time?

2. Goodbye. I will miss the days when we tried to kill each other.

3. Within time you’ll be so famous that we’ll even get reports on what time of the day you normally take a dump.

4. C1: Did you know? A wet towel works as well as an actual whip.

C2: That’s why next time, don’t waste your money on a makeshift rope on Amazon for twenty bucks.

5. Ooh, snarky. I have a feeling we’re gonna get along great together.

6. ‘Man up or shut up’ is my motto.

7. C1: Wanna know how to test someone’s innocence? Order them to kick a puppy.

C2: You sadist! How dare-! Oh…

C1: Exactly.

8. C1: He’s ugly.

C2: Hey, you apologize right now!

C1: I’m sorry he’s ugly!

9. I’m used to the unexpected. I became friends with one of the most wanted terrorists on Facebook, nearly got decapitated by cucumber, and was an involuntary participant in the Beer Can Appreciation Day festival. But I never expected you, YOU of all people, to fall in love with me.

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 7

  1. I tried making him fall in love with me. The plan backfired.

2. C1: C’mere, I wanna show you something interesting.

C2: Oh, dear, not another viral YouTube rap battle?

3. C1: Y-you’re alive!

C2: *Slaps C1* Of course I’m alive, stupid! I’m only back cuz I can’t afford dying, the mess you dumbos would stir up in my absence. My girlfriend would commit suicide. Mom would get sick. My little brother would steal my room. And you? You’ll only cry, blubber about my awesomeness, erect a gold statue of me and I dunno, maybe even name the next cure after me, which would be frankly embarrassing. What, you’re blubbering now?! You know what, never mind…c’mere and gimme a hug, you hopeless crybaby.

4. C1: Hang on to your butts, folks; we’re about to engage in mortal combat. But leave [Villain] to me…I will fight him myself. It will be long. Painful. And dramatic.

C2: Uh-huh, so would you like a soundtrack to go with that?

5. ‘Mortal combat’? I hope you guys have insurance for pay for all the damage, the hell you guys will create.

6. Oh, you think you’re embarrassing? I once caught myself humming a Barney song at my great-aunt’s funeral.

7. Man…ugh…I sure didn’t see the blaring “This is nothing like Halo!” warning sign on the hero contract when I signed up for this.

8. C1: Thanks. You know, for the hug.

C2: I did it so you could shut up. (Bonus points if C1 has a crush on C2, and double bonus points if C2 also likes C1 back but is trying to hide it)

9. I know you wanna snap my neck for asking you — like the way you snapped that toothpick — but please?

 

Adopt Some Novel Dialogue Pt. 6

*Looks at calendar. Blanches.* Is Nanowrimo really over? Well, I’ve got more interesting dialogues up my sleeve, so here you go:

*****

1. C1: So I asked an Asian guy if he knows what a chink is. Unfortunately, he also knew kung fu…

C2: And that, my friend, is why racists are a danger to themselves and society.

2. We were supposed to be a team! You know, let wounds heal, scars fade, forget it all ever happened! But hooo no, you just had to play the “My-father-killed-your-father” card all over again.

3. She’s so brilliant that ever her cussing sounds smart.

4. I’m anything but realistic.

5. So…I guess that’s what an internet troller looks like. You disappoint me.

6. C1: You-you lied!

C2: I make a pretty convincing liar, don’t you think?

7. Gun and bazookas and toothpaste, sure, you never forget to pack those for dire situations, but why do you always forget to pack the food? Haven’t you heard of starvation?

8. C1: Hey, are you two, like, a thing?

C2: Chew on this, mister: I stalked him, threatened him, shot him, kidnapped him, fought him, threatened him again, and psychologically tortured him all in the course of three months. So how can we possibly be a couple?!

9. C1: …Girls do crazy things when you’re in love. Your point?

10. C1: C4 is totally mine!

C2: No, he’s mine!

C3: *Puts blade at C4’s throat* Nope. You want him? Better get through me first.